Can you RALLY? Rally is defined as “recover or cause to recover in health, spirits, or poise.” When clients come into my office, many of them feel defeated in one sense or another. Whether it is the parent with the challenging toddler, or the parent of the teen who seems to be pulling away, or even the marriage that seems to be on the cusp of a divorce…the one question I ask is “can you rally?” Have you ever fallen before and have gotten back up? Have you ever experienced that one encounter or situation that you thought for the moment would define you, but now seems like a lifetime ago? The ability to rally (recover), in my opinion is key to all things important such as learning, growing, and most of all…redefining.
I am certainly not an expert in…..well, anything. I do not like the word “expert.” We are all human and we all have strengths and qualities that add to our ability to do what we do. So, with this website, blogs and recommendations that I make, it is by no means an expert opinion, it is rather just an individual like yourself, offering words and a perspective stemming from experience (personal and professional), an ongoing journey of self reflection and a confidence in what I do.
Principles that can be applied to one area of therapy, can actually be applied to multiple areas. Let’s take that couple who has been coming in to see me (real example) for the last four months. They came in with the idea that they will not be getting married as planned this upcoming summer. They identified all of the wrongs in their relationship and asked “what should we do?” I love this question! They probably love it even more when I cannot give them a direct answer. Rather then start or stay in the area of whats wrong…lets figure out whats right. Once we identify what is right then we can move on to relationship expectations and the individual wants/ needs of each person. You see, if “John” does not know what his future wife wants/needs and expects in a relationship, then how will he ever be able to meet her needs or determine if he even can meet her needs. Better yet, has “John” ever asked himself this question? Does he know what he wants/needs? This is the part about therapy that gets to be the meat of it all…
What DO I want? What DO I need? What is negotiable and what is a deal breaker? We all have different values and different places of where we come from that contribute to our own unique answer. My very best friend could want and need “x” in her relationship, but to me, I may not need “x.” So, when we decide what is good for us, it is not necessarily something that we can ask others to choose for us, nor is it something that we can assume our partner is aware of, without having this conversation.
Where does the rally part come in? Right here! Regardless of what you find out about yourself, your significant other, or path you will take, you will rally! When you fell off your bike as a child, and eventually got back on, you were rallying. When you got laid off from work and you found another job, you rallied. When you thought you could never handle another disappointment and look you did.. you rallied! Do we ever look the same as we did initially, or feel the exact same way? Do we have the same opinions of when we first began the journey? Maybe not, but who is to say it is not as equally great. Do the work, for if you do not do the work now, you will find recurring patterns and themes in your life. And…as for that couple…they are getting married.