I read a great post the other day about how things are uniquely difficult right now; how things feel “Hurricane hard.” It’s a different hard and a different feeling than an exhausting or tough day, or any other day, for that matter.

Since Hurricane Ian swept through here, taking ALL that he wanted, we are all just “holding on.” We are holding on to any sort of normalcy or “control”(pseudo control) that we may have. Nothing is normal. The hurricane may be over but the exhaustion just started to kick in. The adrenaline of survival runs through your veins until you realize it’s ok to breathe and take a step back and it is then……then that the true exhaustion and trauma sets in. The same body that was prepared to protect you and yours, is no longer wanting to be strong, the same body/ mind that had the answers, suddenly doesn’t have any. Kids ask questions “will we go back to school? When? Report cards were due 2 weeks ago, are they coming out? What about the assignments I didn’t do yet? Is there going to be Halloween? Is the Halloween store with the costumes still standing?”

The news and the media may stop covering Ian and SWFL, because they may find something “more important” but there is nothing here that is more important. There is nothing normal left of our memories, childhood, roads that we travel on, etc. Mother nature has also messed with our heads, reminding us that she has complete control- she tried to take our lives (and did so successfully) during Ian; then gave us the most beautiful days ahead, the following week. We woke up with no humidity, which is very rare here, and amazing sunsets. Since then, we have had three major rain storms. The rain has reminded us how easily our roads can be flooded and how ugly the aftermath of rain really is.

We go to the store to stock our refrigerators because most everybody’s food has been thrown away. The shelves are empty. Empty.

Last night was my son’s final pop warner football game. Emotions from the players, parents and coaches were running high. The boys knew that this was their last game that they will play together if they didn’t pull off a win. They did not pull off a win. Our boys could barely practice before this game. The weather has been so nasty to us, and the entire season was filled with mother nature‘s wrath. There were more cancelled practices and time- limited practices than normal.

I found myself crying. I cried a lot last night. I cried because the plays that were called were not fair and not called correctly, the boys were not on top of their game, the coaches volunteer their time and give their all and absolutely care about these awkward 13 year old lost boys….. and now this would be the last.

Some of these coaches mean more than they know to some of us. Some of our kids do not have a strong consistent father figure in their life and so this goodbye hits like a ton of bricks. I don’t know if my son will play another football game again- he still has a lot of self discovery and lessons to process. He isn’t used to not being great at all things he does (fortunately for him, all activities and things that he has done have come extremely easy to him), but football isn’t as easy. Therefore, the fight in him isn’t as apparent as I’ve seen in the past. This made me cry. I cried hard. I cried knowing that we differ with so many personality traits and it’s hard at times to parent a child that is so dissimilar- I fight. I have complete motivation and determination and a complete competitive edge- how can I not just shake this into my child? Then I remind myself, because I can’t. He will need to figure this out on his own.

Some of us are in the helping profession, and need to remain authentically strong and capable of giving our all to those who need us and who need us at any time. It is such an amazing phenomenon of how we could do so amazing professionally, during these times and in these moments of despair even when personal feelings, and tragedy are all around us. I am so grateful for this ability…..

So, when you see a Floridian smiling right now, don’t assume we are Ok. When you see us going about our day doing normal things, don’t assume anything here is normal. Don’t assume that if we stub our toe, that all of the tears are about our stubbed toe. Do not forget about us. We are learning to rebuild every single thing around us from roads, to bridges, to needing to re-landscape almost every palm tree, every flower and every plant. We are learning to rebuild our homes and for those of us who are lucky to still have a home, you better believe it is damaged. We are learning to rebuild relationships that we may have once took for granted but now realize that nothing should be taken for granted, we are trying to learn how to maintain all things in our life, when some of our jobs are very very slow right now. Most of all, we are trying to rebuild our hearts and the smile we put on our faces.

Be easy on us….. we are not Ok.