What About Now?

June 15, 2016

In light of the recent tragic events, particularly hitting close to home for my family and I, including the Cape Coral shootings that occurred last Sunday night, and one week later, the Orlando shooting which just happened this past weekend, it sparked me to want to write. When things happen; good, bad or indifferent, it fuels me to write.

I promised myself that I would blog more often, but I've realized that blogging for me, cannot be a scheduled activity. For me, it is a spontaneous act, usually motivated by an event, therapy session, and almost always... a personal situation. One small glance, encounter, conversation or embrace sparks many "a-ha" moments and thoughts.

We are all familiar with "seizing the moment", and being mindful, and not allowing "destination addiction" to get in the way. However, so many of us are stuck believing that happiness awaits at the next place, the next job, or the next partner. But in reality, until we give up the idea that happiness is at another juncture or within another person, happiness will never be where we are. I've had the case of destination addiction for many years. Oh yes, it kind of went like this: "Life is so stressful during Graduate school, I will finally be able to breathe when I graduate and can finally get a 'real job' and work and be happy." Then, "holy cow this is what everyone does, day in and day out, this is not fun, this is not what I thought it would be. I guess I will 'do my time' and I'm sure I will finally be happy and be able to enjoy more when I am married." Look out, because then it became "Everybody seems so happy in their family with children, I bet people feel completely happy once they have children and can finally feel that sense of fulfillment." Do you see where I am going, or at least where we all seem to go at one time or another? This is the projection that happiness will be awaiting for us around the next goal, hurdle, or task...

So, what about now? Why not give up on the idea that someone or something will create happiness inside? The innocent victims walking into a Cape Coral convenience store last week had no idea that they wouldn't return home after a quick run to the store. The many affected individuals dancing and having fun at the Orlando night club had no clue that they would never dance again. We are not immune to the selfish acts of violence that exists, nor the horrific freak accident that occurs. We are all in it, all living this life; some of us trying to "seize moments" and others still waiting for that reason or purpose to be happy. 

I challenge you to stop waiting. Stop assuming that we will have another moment or another opportunity. So what does that look like?!?! That's the hard part- I tell my clients that insight and awareness is only half of the work and quite often it is the easiest part. The implementation phase and the "action" is the hardest. The action here is how to avoid destination addiction and how to live right here, right now. Someone recently said to me "why complicate things? Things can be so simple..." So...how do we do that? How do we "keep things simple?" I too, am trying to learn this. I too, am trying to be more "in the moment" and less focused on planning my next moment and every other moment after that. I've instituted as of very recently the following practice:

Missing Someone...Call

Wanna Meet Up?...Invite

Wanna Be Understood?...Explain

Have Questions?...Ask

Don't Like Something?...Say it

Like Something?...State it

Want Something?...Ask for it

Love Someone?...Tell it

A friend asked me just this morning, "well then what? What if you do all of these things and still do not get the result or outcome that you hoped for?" My reply, was "try it." We cannot be responsible for how someone may react to us or our wishes, but it feels damn good to communicate them, show them and live it. There is nothing more relieving than to live your truth regardless of what may come.